My sister once told me exactly what to do if I ever got pulled over by a cop. In a nutshell, you very slowy and gingerly reach for your license, insurance and registration, while explaining to the cop exactly what you are doing and profusely assuring him that you are proceeding with such slow caution so as not to alarm him. The idea is that you are so courteous it's almost funny, and he lets you off scott-free.
Although you may laugh, I admit that I had this well-rehearsed. I spent much time scheming exactly what I would do when I got pulled over on 8th street in Columbus, where I sped every single day for an entire semester. (It's very hard to go 25 when you're late for class.) First I would smile sweetly, and then I would explain that, although a glovebox may be a prime place to hide a gun, I most assuredly was not getting a gun. I would also serenely inform him that though I may look suspicious fishing around between the two front seats, it was simply because I had a lot of junk in my purse and was having trouble locating my license.
As you might guess, things didn't pan out exactly as planned. Let me paint you a picture. It's 10:30 pm, and I'm on the way home from Seward with Merrill and a friend. I'm on the north edge of David, right where the speed limit goes back to 60. I'm booking it for home, and it happens. For the first time in my whole life, I undergo the sensation of seeing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror. You should've heard me. "Is that a cop? Am I being pulled over by a cop?! WHAT DO I DO??"
Yeah, me. Pulled over. Just lovely. And that perfect little scenario that would leave a cop laughing and ensure my freedom from all things ticket-related? It flew the coop. I admit that instead I felt slightly, um...flustered. So flustered, in fact, that I took off my seatbelt. How dumb can you get?!?! Not only am I in trouble for whatever-it-is, but on top of that, I don't have my seatbelt on?! I swear...
Envision this next sentence said in a snappy, no-fooling-around-with-me female voice. "So-and-so, with the David City Police Department. You've got a headlight out." She slaps the hood of my van in a matter-of-fact way. (Then she goes up and reads the license plate off to her little mic thingey-majig. Like I'm some busted out refugee or something.)
"Oh, I do?! Really!"
"Yup. License, registration, and insurance please."
By this time I was feeling very meek indeed. "Umm...are these the right ones?"
"As long as they're current."
While she was back in her car fiddling around, it suddenly struck me as widly humerous. I started giggling. "You guys!! I just got pulled over by a cop! How hilarious it that?!"
I don't think I would have found it quite so funny if I had done something to warrant my name being in next week's local paper, but as it was I simply had to replace the bulb and have any constable sign that I had done so. (And yes, everything from speeding to marijuana usage gets your name in the paper.)
Besides, now I've got one up on most of my friends. Have YOU ever been pulled over by a cop?
7 comments:
i have! a few times, but the first was the funniest. long story, but the short version is Mom and I and Joe were all driving somewhere in downtown DBQ. We were a little lost, but Mom thought she knew where to turn. She kept saying "Oh turn here!" I would start to turn and then "Oh! No! This isn't the turn!" This happened several times and evidently a cop noticed my weaving around on the road and pulled me over. As soon as he came up to the car and I rolled down the window Mom started babbling saying it was all her fault, not to blame me, and going on and on about "This is my daughter, I was telling her to drive like that..." Joe was about 6 and he sat in the backseat grinning and waving at the police officer.
We still tell that story and laugh... :)
I loved that story!! It was so funny...I could totally see you reacting like that!! Haha!!
I plead the fifth...
I nearly ran into a cop though!
For three months I worked a block down from the police station and one day as I'm heading out from work, I walk around the corner to my car, and there is a policeman coming around the corner at the same time... I didn't actually run into him but it was pretty close. We both apologized and kept going :)
Oh then there was that time when the police station was calling all over town looking for me....
But that's another story :)
You probably won't beleive this but I've never been pulled over. Yet!
AHAHAAH! What a hilarious story. Wow Erica.
Should I be worried that I'm about to spend like 3 hours in your beater van on the interstate with you driving? lol JK! We'll be fine.
If I were a cop and you pulled those ridiculous shennanigans Audrey tried to sell, I would TOTALLY write you a ticket. :)
I only got pulled over once and just got a warning out of the deal. But I was so ashamed that I hid my little warning away in my journal and never told anyone..... HAHAHAH.
You crack me up! You make me promise not to tell anyone that we got pulled over...then you write a blog post about it. :)
Post a Comment