17 today

Today I am seventeen. There are an abundance of thoughts about the last year swirling around in my head, but I am struggling to string them out on paper in a comprehensable way. I would love nothing better than to produce a wonderful, well-written post summarizing the last year, but that's a bit of a joke...I need to take English Composition this fall...anywho!

I am of the opinion that I have changed more between this birthday and the last than between any other two birthdays. So much has happened inside of me since August 7, 2008. I try to remember exactly who I was a year ago, and that girl is a far cry from who I am today. Thank goodness, huh?

A year ago today I was a Christian because that was the belief my parents had instilled in me since the day I was born. Today, I am a Christian because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real and loving and came to earth as a man to pay the price that a just God demands for my sin. Not because someone said so, or because I don't know any differet; I know it for myself now! And not only that, but I'm also excited about who God is and how I fit in! I'm thrilled. I am ecstatic about what Jesus has done for me and who he is making me. So happy I wanna burst. =)

A year ago I thought I had to be perfect. Every night I would get in bed and every thing I had done wrong that day would pop up in my head. I would feel guilty and bad and think 'when will I ever overcome these things?' Today, I know that there truly is "no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." That idea is no longer just words on a page. It's real and true and I can cling to that promise every day. Talk about exciting. I have realized this simple truth: We don't become perfect so that we can know God. We know God and he changes us. A landslide of freedom and joy comes with realizing that bit of truth.

On another note, in the past year I began working at my first job outside of our farm. What an experience. =) It has been unpleasant and grinding at times, but there has been much reward. I am learning to love people that drive me insane. I am learning to be who I am no matter how weird it makes me look. I am learning to simply say what I think, even when I'm scared that people will frown on me. I am learning that God is not about the law, but that he is all about love. Work has been one of the biggest challenges of the last year, but it's worth it.

Sixteen was a hard year. A lot of sixteen was filled with frustration and disgust. But anger brought change. Change is hard, but change is good. Sixteen stretched me and changed me, and I am so thankful for that.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness
could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

Galations 2:20-21

My heart is full of thanks today. Thank you, Mom & Dad. Thank you for loving me even when I have a feeling you wanted to slap me upside the head. I know we still don't see eye to eye on everything, but I love you both. Thank you, Rachel, Audrey and Merrill. Thank you for letting me be who I am and putting up with me. You guys rock. =) Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for taking me just as I am and loving crazy, self-sufficient, hard, cowardly me. I love you back.


Thank you Aaron Shust for this amazing song. I love it. =)

(pictures obviously not by me)