state fair shots

tonight's thoughts

(Preface: Tonight, I am simply blogging about what is on my mind. Take it or leave it. Like it or hate it. Like me or hate me for it. But please don't misunderstand me.)

When I was younger, I always wanted to be a bit of a rebel. I naively believed that I was like everyone else, and I didn't want to fit in with the masses - I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out. Then, I got a job and started going to a school (versus being homeschooled), and I realized how peculiar I really am.

I have yet to figure out if I like it. The sensible side of me is saying "It's cool, Erica. You know you don't want to be another average-josephine. It's good to be different. Relish it." The lonely side of me says "They think you're weird. Who wants to be weird? It's not fun to say 'well, actually, I'm not much of a partier.' That makes you weird. You don't fit in." ('Cause I really don't.)

Not only are you automatically a weirdo, but you're instantly alone. People are perpetually inquisitive, and ask us "soo...do you have any social life? Do you have any friends?" We inwardly roll our eyes and outwardly explain that we do indeed have friends, and we do know how to socialize.

But even as I roll my eyes, I see a measure of truth in their words. Sure, I have friends. One lives in Wisconsin, another in Oklahoma. I have a few scattered here-and-there around Nebraska. But do I have a good friend I can call up spur-of-the-moment and say "hey, let's go to a movie!" or "hey, come over tonight; I'm bored"? No. I don't.

Sometimes I think that if I would tweak my ideals, I would have multitudes of friends. Friends right here where I live. Maybe if I cussed a little...maybe if I wore spaghetti straps and mini skirts. Ooh! A boyfriend would help! Maybe if I quit being so picky about what media I take in. It's tempting. Honestly. One of these days I'm going to go to one of these parties I hear about, just to see what it's like. One of these days maybe I'll watch a movie that is indecent and gross, and then I'll regret it. Maybe that's what it will take for me to realize that I truly don't want to blend in.

I know some awesome people who don't think the same way I do. I don't want to bash people that have a different lifestyle than I. But, as much as I wish it wasn't so, we can't seem to mix. The two worlds collide, and I'm not convinced they're comaptible. So, I cling to the hope that there really are other weird people like me, hidden deep in some crevice of this county, and someday I will find them and no longer feel alone.

I'm doubtful.

Laura - a quick movie review

A murder mystery made in the forties?! I'm in!

Laura did not disappoint. Robin and I watched it this evening, and I loved it! Laura, a beautiful career-girl, is suddenly murdered. As Detective McPherson sets out to find the murderer, he finds that Laura had numerous lovers. Some dedicated, some perhaps not-so-dedicated. They all have their stories and alibies, but who is for real? As McPherson tries to unwind the mystery, he finds his own feelings getting tangled up with the murdered girl. Between hitting a dead end and his personal thoughts, how will he solve this mystery?

And then. It breaks open.

yay murder mysteries!

i like

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.

C.S. Lewis

thanks bethany!

I don't have the prints yet, but you can see a sampling of my senior pictures at Bethany's blog - here!


Thank you so much, Bethany! Thank you working out our crazy schedules, making me laugh, doing my hair, and taking awesome pictures!

: /

Wow, only one comment...

*nervous laugh*

Now I'm worried.

Perhaps you'd like to read somone else's writing? Please, be my guest.

Marmalade Instead.

on profanity

In our culture, profane words are tossed around like a frisbee at a park. No one thinks twice about what the word implies, or what effect it might have. Such is the case both at my work and school. The f-word is a staple in everyone's vocabulary - an adjective used almost as frequently as any other.

Naturally, if you hear something regularly, it begins to invade your thoughts. What I think tends to spill out my mouth. Ah, I tone it down a bit. Nothing major. Just a bit of dabbling here and there. No biggie.

Or so I thought. But my sojourn in the land of colorful language is now over, and I have come to an unforunate conclusion. It is simply this: I have never heard a positive word of profanity. Yeah, inserting a colorful word here and there definitely adds force and distinction to whatever I am trying to communicate - but what message am I sending? Positive, or negative? Joy, or discontentment? Life, or death?

There are two different ways I've heard profanity used. The first is simply inserting some vulgarity, if you will, as a coloful adjective. Example: "My freaking (or thereabouts) cell phone is ringing!" I am still puzzling over why people do this. Yeah, it can be funny, but it seems useless to add profanity in such examples. Why bother? Pointless. And, personally, not worth it.

On the flip side, sometimes I really need to express my anger. I need to let it out - blow off steam, so it doesn't eat me up inside. Expressing how I truly feel about something, vulgarities and all, often seems to dispel some of my frustration. But...I wonder if there is a more productive way to handle anger. I wonder if cussing when something goes wrong perhaps feeds the fire, rather than dispelling it. I haven't tested this hypothesis much, so it is just that - a hypothesis. Perhaps you will hear more about this aspect later. =)

I want to be a person full of grace and kindness. Somone who is a joy to be around - who brings life into the place where I am. Not only that, I want to like being around myself! In my experience, I have found that negativizing never makes me happy.

I'm beginning to sense that profanity is never a blessing, so what's the gain?

No gain.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

ephesians 6/29

Thoughts? Comments? Constructive criticism?